twisting like a flame in a slow dance
you follow the flare of the shadowplay
dreamers dance at the end of the hall
searching the skies for something sacred
fingers bleeding climbing up the wall-
There rises a great tempest in the sea but I am asleep
From the depths of these waters the future looks bleak
Out beyond the waves theres no turning back
Is it my reflection that shimmers in black
These liquid mirrors don’t freeze the lines on my hand
I trace and erase my face in the sand
Naked now my skin is crawling
I sit in my bones looking out from the hill
Face pressed against the window
The snow is melting and the earth is still – Nausher
"...Intoxicated by the motion we forget all the risks.
And then the world turns...
And somebody falls off...
And oh God it's such a long way down.
Numb with shock, we can only stand and watch as they fall away from us, gradually getting smaller...
Receding in our memories until they're no longer visible. .."
"Sometimes I think the loneliness inside of me is going to explode through my skin and sometimes I’m not sure if crying or screaming or laughing through the hysteria will solve anything at all. Sometimes I’m so desperate to touch, to be touched, to feel, that I’m almost certain I’m going to fall off a cliff in an alternate universe where no one will ever be able to find me."
"if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."
“I live my life in growing orbits which move out over this wondrous world, I am circling around God, around ancient towers and i have been circling for a thousand years. And I still dont know if I am an eagle or a storm or a great song.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
"It takes so little, so infinitely little, for a person to cross the border beyond which everything loses meaning: love, convictions, faith, history. Human life -- and herein lies its secret -- takes place in the immediate proximity of that border, even in direct contact with it; it is not miles away, but a fraction of an inch."
- Milan Kundera
"I hadn't understood how days could be both long and short at the same time: long to live through, maybe, but so drawn out that they ended up flowing into one another. They lost their names. Only 'yesterday' and 'tomorrow' still had any meaning for me."
"Without memories, without hope, they lived for the moment only. indeed, the here and now had come to mean everything to them. For there is no denying that the plague had gradually killed off in all of us the faculty not of love only but even of friendship. Naturally enough, since love asks something of the future, and nothing was left us but a series of present moments."
"Most people have a rope that ties them to someone, and that rope can be short or it can be long. (Be long. Belong. Get it?) You don't know how long, though. It's not your choice."
"He walked out in the gray light and stood and he saw for a brief moment the absolute truth of the world. The cold relentless circling of the intestate earth. Darkness implacable..." McCarthy
“It’s possible, I’m moving through the hard veins of heavy mountains, like an arc, alone; I’m so deep inside, I see no end in sight, and no distance: everything is getting near and everything near is turning to stone.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
“Deeply I go down into myself. My god is Dark and like a webbing made of a hundred roots that drink in silence.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
Where am I
If not silvered
my world to moth-light
flutter of our delicate selves
in a provocative trance
© m.c. 2011
"I need silence, and to be alone and to go out, and to save one hour
to consider what has happened to my world, what death has done to my
- Virginia Woolf
Where am I
...If not in a choral
Of buoyant reflections
A supple fragrance
Of time and not yet time
that lifts the weight of here...
© m.c. 2011
where am I
If not beneath
a canopy of sweet
twining from toe to tip
arousing my anticipation...
“The night is my nudity
the stars are my teeth
I throw myself among the dead
dressed in white sunlight..."
~ George Bataille from The Impossible
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was
Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know the ice is getting thin
I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change my dear
You must learn to stand up for yourself
Cause I can't always be around-
"Lay your sleeping head, my love
Human on my faithless arm;
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
Thoughtful children, and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral;
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature lie:
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful"
W H Auden
"In those early amorphous years of life, when memory had only just begun, when life was full of Beginnings and no Ends, and everything was Forever ..."
"Funny how I blind myself
I never knew
If I was sometimes played upon
Afraid to lose
I'd tell myself
What good you do
I've asked myself
How much do you
It's my life
Don't you forget
Caught in the crowd
It never ends."
"Between the iron gates of fate
The seeds of time were sown
And watered by the deeds of those
Who know and who are known.
Knowledge is a deadly friend
If no one sets the rules.
The fate of all mankind I see
Is in the hands of fools."
"I love the way that sleepwalkers are willing
to step out of their bodies into the night,
to raise their arms and welcome the darkness,
palming the blank spaces, touching everything.
Always they return home safely, like blind men
who know it is morning by feeling shadows."
"My vigil beginning as you signaled the angel overhead
In the sibilant rasping of your end.
I was teetering. I said let go.
Then it was me submerged.
And yours was the soliloquy of the wind
As you lifted into free-fall light."
"Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears."
"And when wind and winter harden / All the loveless land, / It will whisper of the garden, / You will understand"
"Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Feared today, forgot tomorrow
Here besides the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
And I don't
But I won't cry for yesterday, there's an ordinary world,
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world
I will learn to survive."
"Long afloat on shipless oceans
I did all my best to smile
'Til your singing eyes and fingers
Drew me loving to your isle
I am puzzled as the newborn child
I am troubled at the tide
Should I stand amid the breakers?
Should I lie with death my bride?
Hear me sing, "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you:
Here I am, here I am, waiting to hold you"
“The only people who see the whole picture,' he murmured, 'are the ones who step out of the frame.”
sleeping in each other's dreams
you can hear your footsteps walking away
your shadow is swimming against the stream
you hear your heartbeat begging you to stay
you catch your eyes looking back at you
you see a stranger you lost along the way - Nausher Nash Banaji
The night caresses secrets in a dream
Speaking of promises unspoken
The doors open to the wind of the first sun
And nothing recalled will ever be forgotten
You sat there a while scanning the miles
Free child of beauty and a caged reptile
You wish you could fly but dreams cloud the sky
The rain in your brain is washing them dry - Nausher Nash Banaji
I tore open my skin
so you could enter my veins,
Gave you my eyes
so you could see your own chains,
Through tunnels and doors
you ached you'd be free,
The doors lead to walls
and the labyrinth leads to me- Nausher Nash Banaji
Sometimes I wish I could fly
but where can I go
Where can I hide
so my shadow wont find me
Everything I am fleeing
is right here inside me - Nausher Nash Banaji
the mirror's cracked along the angles of my face
where do i belong in it's tangled embrace
the looking glass looks back at me in wonder
i look through the mask only to see a stranger
I peel off my skin, and enter - Nausher Nash Banaji
walking down your old hunting ground
you come across all the people you used to be
you find the self you lost and the selves you found
the ghosts of you mirrored in eternity -Nausher Nash Banaji
Naked now our skins are crawling
We sit in our bones looking out from the hill
Face pressed against the window
The snow is melting and the earth is still-Nausher Nash Banaji.
There is a reason why gods are naked
My renaissance heart shies from the sorrow
Here i am waiting for tomorrow
Masters of art saw gods as beautiful in their own skin
When artists were scientists, technicians, poets they knew this well:
Those gods are naked because
beauty is sacred
that beauty is divine
gods are naked because
all they are clothed in is their belief- Nausher Nash Banaji
Your eyes gaze upon your reflection
Ears listen to the sound of your echo
One builds up a wall
The other fortifies it with mortar
And yet the gust of a memory
Scatters the gravel away
Like white memories on dark days
They escape from one fire
But another devours them
Praise and blame are the same
You are satiated, you are starving
You are the alpha, and the omega
Here you are on the blue mountain
Halfway up, halfway down
Stranded and exiled, looking out to sea
Holding onto misplaced gods
And what you might have been – Nausher Nash Banaji
pagan gods stare blind across the sea
the sea brings sweet darkness back to me
through oceans of laughter through a fog of fear
tearing through the forest into the softest lair
we sit in our bones looking out from the hill
the snow is melting and the earth is still - Nausher Nash Banaji
Have we seen enough, have we seen too much
Are we guided by stars, maimed by a touch
Are we blinded by truth, enlightened by a lie
The die is cast in the blink of an eye - Nausher Nash Banaji
You regret the present is not the past
You despair it’s becoming the future
Those moments were perfect but they didn’t last
Those meaningless meanings were sutured
Turn away thinking they will come back to you
But the eyes in the mirror can’t choose
You can’t win because when you do
You have only yourself to lose – Nausher Nash Banaji
you are sitting naked on shifting sand,
a mirror and a mirage in each hand,
you dream a memory moving alone,
you call out but she is gone,
the road that brought you here
is dragging you back
the light you thought was near
is fading to black - Nausher Nash Banaji
"Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be."
"Call yourself alive? Look, I promise you
that for the first time you’ll feel your pores opening
like fish mouths, and you’ll actually be able to hear
your blood surging through all those lanes,
and you’ll feel light gliding across the cornea
like the train of a dress. For the first time
you’ll be aware of gravity
like a thorn in your heel,
and your shoulder blades will ache for want of wings.
Call yourself alive? I promise you
you’ll be deafened by dust falling on the furniture,
you’ll feel your eyebrows turning into two gashes,
and every memory you have – will begin
that we knew this night would pass,
that the love we lived could never last,
reflections blurred by shadows past,
that silhouettes would still roam free
beauty for a day, or a day of eternity-Nausher Nash Banaji.
carrying my past inside me
its the future i'm returning to
wearing my mask inside me
what am i turning into? - Nausher Nash Banaji
From the vantage of vanity
From dust to disarray to dust infinity
Mirrors won’t freeze the lines on my hand
I trace and erase my face in the sand – Nausher